When it comes to your sexuality you might think all that matters is whether or not you've ever had sex.

In truth, your sexuality means much more. "Sex" is the act of intercourse itself while "sexuality" is everything else that goes into making you a sexual being. That includes all of your sexual knowledge, thoughts, values, desires and behaviours.

Understanding what makes up your sexuality will help you achieve some important goals including

• Feeling good about your developing body
• Postponing sexual intercourse until you're ready
• Expressing your feelings of sexual arousal in healthy, responsible ways
• Developing your adult sexual identity
• Experiencing mutually rewarding relationships
• Protecting yourself from sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy
• Protecting yourself from sexual violence

Your Sexual Development
You have been a sexual being from the moment you were conceived.

You then went through the stages of sexual development that we all go through:

Babies

• Experience oral exploration and gratification
• Develop an awareness of their body parts, including the genitals
• Develop a sense of trust.

Toddlers

• Master control over elimination (weeing and pooing)
• Become aware of our body parts and sex differences
• Develop an interest in family relationships and sex roles.

Pre-schoolers

• Identify with the parent of the same sex
• Experiment in innocent sex play
• Can run around the house naked and feel no shame.

Children and early teens

• Develop an intense curiosity about sexuality
• Participate in same-sex play activities
• Keep our sexual thoughts to ourselves
• Enjoy jokes and songs with sexual content.

Through all of these stages we may touch our genitals for pleasure. In fact, masturbation is common in childhood and throughout the rest of your life.

As you get older you will probably experiment with types of sex, whether it is with more than one partner, or with sex toys. But you will also learn about relationships, and having a healthy attitude to your body and sexuality which will give you a healthy sex life.

The wonderful thing about your sexuality is that it belongs to you. All that you learn and all that is within you come together to make you the sexual being you are.

If this happens in a responsible way and with a commitment to your beliefs and values, you should succeed in becoming a sexually healthy adult.

If things don't happen this way, or if you are confused, try to identify the problem and seek help or even counselling. This is particularly true if you have been sexually abused or assaulted.

And don't forget sexuality learning lasts a lifetime. That means it's OK to take things slowly.

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Last updated:09/01/2006
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